Mothertongue Feminist Reader's Theater
MOTHERTONGUE Reader's Theater Mothertongue is a feminist collective founded in 1976 by students at Between 1976 and 1993 I contributed to and/or performed in 6 scripts: Mothers and Daughters; Body Image; Loving Women; Passing: Identities Hidden & Exposed; Speaking of Aging; and Did you come or fake it? -- Women and Sexuality. Here is a sampling of my work for two of these scripts... BODY IMAGE
My Body is a Map There is a ritual I do when I remove my clothes with someone I tell the stories of my scars. MY BODY IS A MAP OF MY LIFE I didn't always appreciate my body. I used to be ashamed and embarrassed. It wasn't easy but as the months and year passed I became more comfortable and accepting. MY BODY IS A MAP OF MY LIFE DID YOU COME OR FAKE IT?.--.WOMEN AND SEXUALITY I wrote and performed this script with four other women from 1981 to 1992. In the beginning we were three lesbians, one heterosexual and me the bisexual. I booked our script in women's [read lesbian] coffee houses, book stores and cafes, as well as several West Coast Women's Music and Comedy Festivals. We were regulars at Valencia Rose Cabaret, and Josie's Juice Joint. We also appeared on college campuses, at an early National Women Studies Conference and many other conferences and gatherings over the years. The script changed with the times and as we did.
I can do it myself
Alone in my bedroom, one afternoon in the late 60s Christ hanging on his cross on my bedroom wall How could I touch myself in front of him? I can't understand to this day It took months, maybe even a year I chose my self over Jesus, thank goodness all right
One day
One day when I was 9 years old It was then that I noticed my startled mother I knew that look. But for the next few nights my bathtub routine Thanks mom. Bless me father... Bless me father for I have sinned
That's a freedom we all deserve Several years ago, on my 15 year old daughter's invitation She'd tried everything she was interested in but intercourse. I lent them my home for a day and night. Sex is Over Rated I think sex is over rated. People make too much of a big deal about it. ..What's the big deal? Is that all there is to it? Did you hear about Lani?
[gossip] [resounding and collective...] [secretive] [disgusted] [dismissive] [Lani to center stage] [whispered] [confidential tone] [Lani] Which half is that?
People are really confused by my bisexuality. They can't make up their minds as to whether I'm a heterosexual or a homosexual. A friend of mine said she could only relate to my lesbian half! I had to ask her which half was that??
Lesbians who sleep with men
I've identified as a bisexual for over 10 years now, although I haven't been sexual with a man for the last five. My lesbian friends who sleep with men ask why I don't call my self a lesbian. And I have to ask why don't they call themselves bisexual? Did you come or fake it? Did you come or fake it? That is the question! Whatta ya mean fake it? Who fakes it? Who hasn't faked it? That's a better question. Well how do you fake it? Why do so many women fake orgasms? Maybe because so many men fake foreplay.
back to what's new
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Lani 1980
whether it's to sunbathe, sauna, massage or make love.
A PATCHWORK QUILT
THAT IS WARM AND SOFT AND STRONG
I had a difficult time baring my self with or even without other people around.
I would avoid looking at myself, I mean really looking beyond the self-hate, beyond the media image
that I should be, and that I could be if only...
There was no real sense other than I wasn't good enough.
I was constantly comparing my self with others.
The more I denied this closet character the more control it had over my life. It was a drag.
I wanted to be free; so I practiced. I practiced being nude dancing, walking, sitting, laying, playing
all while looking in the mirror at myself from every possible angle.
You could even say I developed a nonchalant attitude when in the nude.
I began to feel at home in my body and in the growing sense of well being.
SCAR WOMAN emerged from the closet.
All imperfections exposed, I claimed the unique, distinctive markings,
making them perfect in the showing.
A PATCHWORK QUILT
THAT IS WARM, AND SOFT AND STRONG
Lani 1981
I read a book that said it was okay to turn myself on!!
Was quickly banished to the bureau drawer.
Sacrilege, Sacrilege!
Masturbation the sacrament of self love, loving self
Love yourself as God loves you, and you of so little faith
Keep it! How can loving my body put me in hell?
God frowns on it; there goes the neighborhood.
But who gives a damn what the statues think --
This feels good to turn my self on,
I just didn't know it was so easy, so good, so simple.
Why it took me 27 years to figure that out;
I can do it myself.
Not to feel guilty when I saw Jesus lying in the drawer
Waiting for me to return to his open empty arms.
Hooray for me moaning, breathless into the night....
Patricia as told to cousin Lani, 1988
I dashed into the house
Concentrating on getting to the bathroom on time
Running down the hall
I opened the door and plopped on the toilet
Just in the nick of time
In the bathtub
Trying to get her legs down from the wall,
Turn off the water and pretend
I hadn't caught her doing anything at all
Out of the ordinary.
I had had it many times before,
But this time the tables were turned.I don't remember anything being said
She blushed, I flushed and ran out to play.
Was full of experimentation.
It wasn't long before I figured it out
Ahhh, one of those inadvertent lessons of life
Lani....1981
It has been two weeks since my last confession
I have had impure thoughts and deeds.
There was no place to hide!
When I finally faced the fact that I'd gone all the way
I felt afraid and bad and cried myself to sleep
Holding a statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary.
I woke up in the middle of the night
And to my horror Mary had fallen out of bed
And her head had broken right off!!
It was a sign from heaven.
I was in trouble for sure!
I glued it back on. No one ever noticed
...and I was left feeling sorry
Not for going all the way
But sorry sex was considered a sin.
Lani...1981
We spent a Sunday afternoon in bed
Snuggling, massaging and talking about sex.
Orgasms, masturbation, the problems of oral sex and braces
What we did, what we liked, who we'd been with
Questioning, answering, laughing and just loving one another.
She and her steady beau took turns having orgasms!
She told me she felt it was time; she wanted to go all the way.
They had already talked about birth control, and decided
Abortion would be the back-up in case of failure.
We went from amazement to shock, unable to believe
We were talking with each other like that.
It was a first time with no guilt, no shame,
...no fear of discovery or time limit.
......That's a freedom we all deserve.
Dannielle...1982...[my daughter]
My boyfriend and I are 15. On a joint decision we decided to have sex.
We were both virgins at the time. After a quiet evening at my mom's place
..we decided to venture into the unknown.
We carefully put on the condom and did it.
And both of us were disappointed!
THIS is the biggest no-no in the world?
Personally, I like oral sex better.
Lani 1981 [this piece is done with several voices]
Did you hear about Lani?
NO!!
She went back to men! She has a boy friend, a 23 year old boy friend and she's calling herself a bisexual!! What a joke.
Ha, how latent, she's hiding in heterosexual privilege.
She's obviously working something out. She'll get over it, just wait and see.
So what can I say, bisexuality wasn't a stage for me. I'm bisexual. As I've come out in the lesbian community I've had reactions like those and I've had others like at this woman's party....
I've had a man in the closet for six months. I've been afraid to tell anyone....
You're brave to be so open. I keep my male lover separate from the rest of my life.
Why is it that a woman who is sexually intimate with women and men and self identifies as bisexual cannot be trusted to be a real woman-loving individual? I won't hide my erotic feelings for certain men to be a trustworthy revolutionary, that's ridiculous! I trust my self. All closets feel the same and nobody belongs in one!!
Lani 1985
Lani 1990
Lani 1981 [this piece is done with several voices]
Most of the time I don't come.
....They just assume I have and I don't say anything.
Well what I do is flex those kegels, breathe heavy and say
....oooh baby, or oooh gawd.
Yeah, moan, grown and move more than once
....and it's all over but the fucking.